Before resenting the comparison, think about it. What does it take to teach a dog to sit up and beg? How many times would you have to swat a dog with a rolled-up newspaper, yell, argue, or tear him down with insults? Chances are that while you might be able to keep your dog off the couch with a few swats of newsprint, the tactic would fail to get him to sit up, roll over, or bring your slippers to you. Even a dog won’t learn new tricks unless you give him a treat, a hug, or warm approval.

Training a child is similar. Laying down the law, threatening with punishment, and pulling rank by saying, “Because I said so, and I’m your father. That’s why!” only works for a while. After that, all the threats in the world are not apt to make your child mind. They may incite him to rebel in your face, and certainly behind your back.

Children cannot be forced to be good—not indefinitely. In time they will begin doing what they want to do whether you like it or not. The key is to help them want to do the right thing so as to adhere to God’s standards and also to meet their own needs. Everyone wants to be free, to be important, to experience pleasure, and to be appreciated. Begin by helping them to feel really cared for. Encourage them. Spend time with them. Do what they enjoy doing. Hold them. Hug them. Do things for them that will show them that they are in your heart, and that they are in your heart for their good.

Don’t just give them love. Give them boundaries designed to protect their freedom. Show them what happens to people who refuse to live under the wise and loving rule of God. Find creative ways of showing them that the counsel of the Word of God has been given to us to meet our deepest needs and wants.

Help them to discover the wisdom of the Proverbs, which show over and over again in many different ways that while God could just appeal to His authority, He doesn’t. He gives us insight and incentive.

As a parent, you will avoid much frustration by realizing the importance of giving your children good reasons and incentives for right choices. They need to see how these reasons and incentives fit their need for pleasure, importance, freedom, and appreciation. To withhold them is to “provoke your children to wrath” (Eph. 6:4) and to lose your own peace of mind.