The most effective parents die a thousand deaths. Sometimes it is the result of being embarrassed by the actions of their children. Sometimes it is the result of utter frustration and fatigue. Sometimes it is over the deep concern of a son or daughter’s shortsighted and self-destructive choices. But often these parents voluntarily die to their own desires just because this is what it takes to bring children into the world.

No one said that bringing children to maturity would be easy. It’s hard for a mother to go through the contractions of labor. It’s hard for her to give years of her life to infants and toddlers who constantly demand attention. It’s hard for a wife and husband to give up the freedoms they enjoyed before children. It’s hard for a father to put aside his strong will and give his son the space he needs to make his own decisions. It’s hard to give your children more and more freedom with less and less control so that they can begin to feel the responsibilities of maturity. It’s hard not to jump in and rescue them when they get themselves in trouble. It’s hard to remain firm in providing reasonable boundaries and controls so that they are not left entirely on their own. It would be easier, sometimes, to give in and get them off your back. It’s hard to continually help them to see that the real issue is not what you want them to do but what they are going to choose and with what consequences. It’s hard not to jump in and take control. It’s hard to be patient enough to give them as much time as they need to grow up. It’s like dying to let them go out into the cold, cruel world.

It’s hard to pray for them daily. It’s harder yet to pray in a way that reflects our surrender to God. It’s hard to say to the Lord, “Do whatever it takes to bring my children to You and to maturity of faith and love. Lord, do whatever it takes.”

Ironically, we are inclined to think that taking an easier path will result in less pain and more joy. Good parenting, however, is the result of Christlike character. And unless we follow Christ’s lead and that of the apostle Paul (2 Cor. 4:1-12), we will never see the difference Christ’s Spirit can make in us. Only when we die to ourselves do our children get the benefit of Christ parenting through us.