Love Has Many Faces

As soon as Christmas was over, shopping malls in Texas, United States switched immediately from green and red decorations to all red designs; unlike in Malaysia, the red is not for Chinese New Year but Valentine’s Day on 14 February! This celebration of love, then, is obviously a commercialised festival.

On this day, couples usually look forward to romantic dates, while singles lament. As a result, many feel pressured to be in a relationship so that they’re not left out during Valentine’s Day. This phenomenon applies to the churchgoer, too. So how should Christians respond to Valentine’s Day?

Phases of romance

Psychological research shows that romantic relationships often start off with physical chemistry and emotional passion. During this beginning phase, couples will proclaim their love to each other and pledge “till death do us apart”. However, when the adrenaline fades, one’s dating partner may no longer seem perfect, exciting or as fascinating as before.

That’s when couples’ individual differences begin to glare and conflicts arise in the relationship. Without effective communication and mutual understanding, many would choose to break up instead of going through the difficult patches.

Those who choose to break up will say, “We are not meant for each other, why waste our time and energy further?” Yet, underneath the justification, it’s really about people not wanting to keep getting hurt, and us Christians are no exception.

To forgive, to love and to endure

My husband and I married late in life, and our life experiences and maturity helped us to make more informed decisions. However, due to both our past failures in relationships, we had reservations in opening up to each other at the beginning and were careful in handling sensitive issues in our marriage..

After much hurt and conflicts, we’ve learnt to practise forgiveness repeatedly, to cherish and appreciate each other more, to let go of unrealistic expectations of each other, and to accept the imperfections in life. As time passes, we grow in our relationship, and our love for each other and for God also grows deeper. By relying on God’s grace, we could face the ups and downs of our marriage.

This is contrary to the kind of love that is often promoted on Valentine’s Day, which is driven by emotional passion, self-satisfaction and sexual chemistry. Once the “lovey dovey” feelings fade away, the couple are deemed no longer “in love” and simply move on to end the relationship. This kind of love is transient and egocentric. We move on to the next one when the current one no longer meets our needs.

True love serves and gives

God’s version of love, however, is radically different. It is one that is “patient… kind… [and] “not self-seeking” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). It “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (v.7, NKJV).

True love, therefore, can only be defined by God – it is one that serves and gives, just like Jesus who came to serve and not to be served (Matthew 20:28), and just like the Father who gave His one and only Son to die for us because He loved us so much (John 3:16).

God Himself is the creator of love and marriage, and the entire Bible is an account of His love for the world. From creation to Jesus’ resurrection, God wants us to be restored in a loving relationship with Him and with others.

This type of love (agape) is considered the greatest good, above the ability to speak in tongues, having gifts of prophecy, knowledge, strong faith or doing charitable works (v.1-3). Only self-sacrificial love can endure and never end, for it comes from God and gives existential meaning to Valentine’s Day!

This Valentine’s season, whether we are alone or in love, single or married, it’s important to know that we are already loved by God and that nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:31). May we not only be a “Valentine” to our romantic partners, but to all who needs God’s grace and unconditional love in their lives!

About the Author

Rachel Ting is a Malaysian from Sibu, Sarawak. She received her Master in Theology and PhD in Clinical Psychology from Fuller Theological Seminary. She has been working as an academician and clinician in China, Malaysia, and the United States for the past 20 years.

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