To Love or To Be Loved?

February is commonly known as the month of love. With Valentine’s Day, gifts and romance filling the air, the question arises: Is it more important to love or to be loved?

To be loved is a beautiful gift, but if we make it our priority, it can become self-centered. Love, in its truest form, is not about receiving but about giving. God Himself demonstrated this when He loved us first (John 3:16), even before we sought Him. Having tasted His love, we are called to share it with others.

Love Today

In a culture where February is painted in red roses, glittering hearts, and boxes of chocolates, it’s easy to think that love is confined to a season. Yet for believers, Valentine’s Day is not just a calendar event, but a reminder that love is a daily rhythm woven into every word we speak and every act of kindness we show.

Even in the age of dating apps, where people playfully swipe, believers are called to prayerfully discern. Love or relationship is not a game of chance, but a covenant shaped by God’s will. Romance, too, is more than candlelight dinners or fleeting butterflies; it reflects Christ’s enduring love marked by sacrifice, patience, and faithfulness.

As such, true love is countercultural in contrast with the “love” of the modern world today: It resists the shallow and embraces the eternal, pointing hearts back to the One who loved us first.

The Four Types of Love

The Greeks, with their rich language, gave us four distinct expressions of love: storge, philia, eros and agape. They’re most famously explored by Christian author C.S. Lewis in his 1960 book “The Four Loves”.

Lewis begins with Storge, or what he calls Affection or fondness, the familiarity and empathetic bond that comes naturally between parent and child. Then there’s Philia or Friendship, the friend bond that grows out of companionship. Lewis uses the example of David and Jonathan’s friendship in the Bible (1 Samuel 18).

Eros is the state of “being in love”, or what we call romantic and passionate love today. It awakens sexual desire yet can run counter to happiness and pose real danger if left without direction. Agape or Charity is the greatest, most spiritual, and least selfish form of love.

It is the love that exists regardless of changing circumstances, like the unconditional love from God Himself who sent Jesus to save humanity, regardless of whether or not we know, accept, or love Him. “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

Lent and Love

Coincidentally, February also marks the beginning of Lent this year (Ash Wednesday falls on 18 February). Lent is the 40 days before Holy Week, and is the time when Christians will pray, fast, repent, and prepare ourselves to celebrate Christ’s resurrection.

Lent points us to True Love that never fails nor passes away. It reminds us that love is sacrificial, just as Christ gave His life fully and freely for us. Love is deliberate and costly; it may ask us to forgive when it hurts, to serve when it is inconvenient, and to speak truth when silence would be easier.

Lent teaches us that every effort of selfless love — a kind word, a patient gesture, a prayer for another — mirrors the divine love that first reached us. In letting go of ourselves, we step closer to the heart of God, learning that true love always gives first.

Closing Thoughts

To love or to be loved? The answer is clear: to love — because love given is love multiplied, and every act of giving displays the heart of God who loved us first. Many have not seen God. But if we show them love, they’ll glimpse Jesus in us and be drawn to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8).

Let February’s days turn into holy offerings as we learn to be selfless, for as we give, we’ll discover that we have already been abundantly loved. For 1 John 4:7a reminds us, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.”

About the Author

Priscillia Ann David is a Malaysian from Ipoh, Perak. She is currently a teacher in Wesley Methodist School Penang (International) while pursuing her Master’s in Natural Product Research in Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM), Penang.

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