Love: Finally Knowing What It Feels Like

When we seek love, we sometimes think we know what we need and want. We explore the options available to us, trying to fill the void in our lives and to pursue happiness.

Throughout her life, Shet Ching entered into relationships with both men and women, until one day, she found the love that she was looking for in Jesus Christ.

At home, Shet Ching grew up with an absent dad who only provided materially, and a mother who constantly raised her voice at her children. Shet Ching craved their affection and attention.

She said, pointing to her chest, “My heart was empty, it was always empty here.” It brought to mind the biblical description of nature’s emptiness. When God created the earth, it was formless, void, and dark before He spoke light, life, and hope into it (Genesis 1:1-3).

Shet Ching was looking for love. She couldn’t find it in any of her romantic relationships, but she was unsure what kind of love she needed, or what true love even looked like.

Pursuing love and being broken by it

In high school, Shet Ching had a few relationships with guys. By the time she was 15, she was surrounded by female friends who were in same-sex relationships. It was common in her group, and so she felt compelled to do the same out of curiosity. Her parents were against it, but they accepted her choices.

Relationships with girls posed the same problems. She continued to struggle and to be unhappy. She went from being with a violent and abusive guy, to a married woman with a child, and eventually to a woman who used drugs.

Despite her firm stance against drugs, Shet Ching became a user and eventually got addicted in order to keep the relationship. Her family found out and immediately sent her to an addiction treatment centre.

In 2016, at the age of 27, Shet Ching entered Peace Charis Ladies’ Home, a recovery centre in Selangor. Initially resistant to the strict rules and loss of freedom – no mobile phone, no money and no smoking – she agreed to stay for a week after watching her parents leave in tears. Alone in an isolation room, she questioned why her life had spiralled to this painful low.

Finding love in an unexpected place

Initially angry about being sent to rehab, her heart started to soften as staff treated her with warmth, kindness and love. She participated in prayers and sang worship songs despite not understanding anything. After a week, she sensed God’s presence in her life and began writing letters home to her parents.

But Shet Ching remained violent and quick-tempered even after recovery, and she continued to stay at the centre. Once, she struck a wall out of anger, but decided to calm herself down by going upstairs for an hour before coming back down.

She expected to be reprimanded for her behaviour. But when the pastor and founder of the centre met her, he only said, “Hey, I heard that you hit the wall the other day. But your director said you showed improvement. You went upstairs to a room to let it out instead of being aggressive in front of everyone.”

That was the turning point for Shet Ching. She felt affirmed and seen hearing the pastor’s words. She sensed the love she had sought all her life and it dawned on her that this was what God’s love is. It’s tangible, accepting, and forgiving. It’s empowering and makes one want to be better.

She reflects on 1 John 4:19, “We love because [God] first loved us”, saying, “My pastor was a vessel of God’s love, capable of loving people like me. This love was unlike the material love from my family or the explicit ‘I love you’s’ from any of my partners.”

Understanding God’s love has led Shet Ching to slowly learn to love others. Her temper eased and it gradually reduced in frequency and intensity.

A change of perspective

By God’s grace, Shet Ching also experienced a “renewing of her mind” (Romans 12:2a) with regards to same-sex relationships. She gradually came to understand God’s original design for love, marriage, and sexual union between one man and one woman.

It was during a mission trip to Taiwan, where LGBTQ relationships are legal, that she experienced this change of heart. Encountering several girls kissing in public, she felt remorse for her past behaviour, and decided there and then that she would make a different choice when it came to her next relationship.

Two years into that experience, she met a wonderful, loving man in church. He was a former addict turned church staff, and today they are happily married with a child on the way.

Shet Ching’s life has turned around 180 degrees since entering rehab in 2016. She is now the director at Peace Charis Ladies’ Home, and she also manages an old folks’ home and serves at a local church in Balakong near Cheras.

Reflecting on love, Shet Ching realises that it’s not about grand gestures and showy displays of affection. It’s simply about understanding, empathy, and encouragement. Because of her pastor’s love for her that day, she now knows that God’s love is about acceptance, affirmation, and forgiveness. That is how she wants to continue loving others and glorifying God.

When thirsty, do we seek fulfilment in false loves and other ‘drugs’ that we think can fulfil us? Or do we turn to the Lord, who offers ‘water without cost from the spring of the water of life’ (Revelation 21:6)?

Let’s recognise Him as our Creator and Source of Joy, running to Him for salvation, fulfilment, and the peace that only He can provide.

To read other Spotlight Malaysia articles, click below.