Tennis can be played two ways. It can be played with the kind of sportsmanship that is gracious in winning and gracious in losing. Or tennis can be played merely for the win and money. The latter is the legacy of some of the young pros who have marred the dignity of the game with their center-court tantrums, profanity, officials bashing, and bitter excuses.

Parents have similar options. They can concentrate on developing their own self-control, skill, and reactions. Or they can try to divert attention from their own weaknesses by blaming others for their problems. With the latter approach, parenting crumbles into excuses like, “These kids are driving me crazy. They make me so mad. Sometimes I think I’m losing my mind. I know I shouldn’t yell and scream, but I can’t help it. They bring out the worst in me. Besides, I think a lot of my problem is that I came from a dysfunctional home. I can’t stop yelling and hitting and arguing with those brats. I just don’t have it in me.”

Our first parents started the ball of blame rolling. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the snake. The devil-snake undoubtedly blamed God. But God held Adam responsible for his choices. He made Eve accountable for what she decided to do. The snake didn’t get off the hook either.

Today we are inclined to say that our parenting problems are the result of our own parents’ mistakes. There may be a lot of truth to that. But a long time ago, the Lord taught His people not to blame others for their own choices. He objected to a proverb used to diminish a sense of personal responsibility for one’s own actions:

The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge (Ezek. 18:2).

Again, that’s not to say that God denies the problems we inherit from our parents. The Scriptures certainly allow for the existence of learned or biologically inherited predispositions. God said:

I… am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me (Ex. 20:5).

The Scripture also shows, however, that being under the influence of our own parents does not suspend responsibility for how we choose to respond to that influence. It is up to us to choose whether we will unconsciously follow the example of our parents, consciously aspire to it, or deliberately choose another path.

An immature adolescent son may push us to the limits. An alcoholic father or neurotic mother may hover in our memories. But none of them gives us an excuse to be adolescent, angry, argumentative, or abusive in our own behavior.