*retold by Maria Goretti 

“I had an affair.” 

Rina confessed through tears and sobs. I was shocked and hurt. She had called me, saying she had something to tell me. I never expected this from her — she was like a sister to me.

They seemed like a perfect couple. They had successful careers. They were well-off, with a house and a car. They didn’t have any children, even after many years of marriage, but they claimed they were happy without them. And their families never pressured them to have kids either.

But their marriage was not as stable as it appeared. Rina had been cheating on his husband!

I asked in a low voice, “How serious is your affair?”

She hesitated, “It’s very serious. And it’s been going on for a long time — almost a year now.”

I felt a chill run through me. If I was this stunned, then how did her husband feel?

“Did Martin find out?”

She nodded. “He found out. He saw the messages on my phone…” She broke down again. “And… and… he asked for a divorce…”

I sighed, then I asked: “What do you want?”

She cried for a long time. I waited until she calmed down. Then she said, “I want a divorce too… I don’t love him anymore… that’s why I was unfaithful to him…”

***

Rina: I’ve been angry with Martin for a long time. It wasn’t about us not having kids. It was about him being cold and distant. We had no intimacy. We barely talked to each other. We never argued either. It was boring. Then, I met Farid. He was nothing like my husband. He was warm and caring. We got along well, and we got even closer when we had to work together on a project for an out-of-town client. We stayed in the same place, and we shared our marital troubles. He said his marriage was unhappy too. We comforted each other. Closeness turned into affection. Affection turned into passion… My affair with Farid made me ignore Martin’s coldness. I didn’t need him anymore. I had someone else who cared for me…

***

Divorce.

That’s the usual outcome of an affair. Very few marriages can survive the betrayal of infidelity. It’s devastating to be cheated on by the person you love the most. Especially if the affair involved more than just emotions and also physical intimacy. You feel disgusted by your partner and can’t forgive them. On the other hand, the cheating partner feels dirty and unworthy of their spouse. 

That’s what happened to Rina and Martin. Martin’s ego and self-esteem were shattered as a man. He had nothing left. He couldn’t stand to touch or even look at his wife.

Rina, however, changed from fear and regret to anger when she thought of Martin’s behavior, which she blamed for her affair. “Martin is a cold person. He doesn’t care. He has no intimacy. He has no romance. That’s why I cheated on him with Farid. Farid is so different,… he always treats me sweetly and tenderly…” 

It’s a common story. When a partner is unhappy in a marriage, they look for what they lack in someone else who can meet their needs.

However, as their spiritual mentors, my husband and I didn’t want them to divorce. We wanted to give them a chance to work things out. So, we mediated between them, following the principles of Christian marriage. 

One of the main principles of Christian marriage is that divorce is not an option. This is tough! But Jesus’ words are clear: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). Divorce is never God’s plan, and is always the consequence of sin. 

When we shared this principle with them, they both rejected it. Martin said: “Jesus wouldn’t understand the pain and humiliation I felt of being cheated on by my own wife. I don’t know how I can live with her anymore. I can’t stand to see her…” 

Meanwhile, Rina said: “No way. He has wounded my heart too much with his indifference. I don’t want to go back to him…” 

We suggested that they calm down first by living apart for a while, not to get divorced, but to pray, as the Scripture says: “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer” (1 Corinthians 7:5). Thankfully, they agreed.

***

Two weeks went by. During that time, my husband and I took turns praying for Rina and Martin separately. I checked in with Rina every day, and my husband did the same with Martin. We filled them with God’s Word every day. We invited them to talk. We asked them how they were doing. We shared words that seemed to fall on deaf ears, but we kept planting them. We also protected Rina and Martin from outside influences that wanted to twist the truth. 

My husband and I also prayed, strengthening ourselves to stand for the truth. It was hard. Many times we wept together, pleading for God’s help. We felt tired and hopeless. It seemed impossible to save this marriage. But as counselors, we couldn’t give advice that contradicted God’s word. And we believed that God wouldn’t ask us to do something without giving us the power to do it! So, when our hearts wanted to scream to God: how long can we bear this, God? Just let them divorce! They don’t want to get back together anyway. But always… when we reached that point, there was always a new strength to obey the word, stronger than our urge to quit. No, there had to be a way!

***

Martin: I felt heartbroken and humiliated when I learned about the affair. I was too ashamed to tell anyone, even my family. I thought I could handle it by myself. Luckily, we had a couple of friends who were Christians and helped other couples with their problems. We decided to talk to them about our situation. We didn’t really want to fix our marriage, because we had already agreed to divorce. We just wanted to get some relief by sharing our feelings. 

But to our surprise, they strongly opposed our divorce plan. They tried to bring us back together, but we kept rejecting their efforts. We were both too hurt to listen. They finally suggested that we take some time apart (note: only for a while) and pray. I moved out of the house and Rina stayed there. We didn’t tell anyone else about our problem, especially our parents. We thought they would make things worse if they got involved. 

During that difficult time, our friends prayed for us and supported us every day. They always reminded us of God’s Word and His truth. We felt lost and broken, but we also felt a gentle nudge to surrender to God’s will. They told me that God wanted me to forgive Rina and love her unconditionally, just like Jesus did for us when we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). A love that accepts us no matter what. Those words touched my heart. I felt ashamed and scared at the same time. Could I do the same thing?

***

We saw God’s Word come to life and power in our lives. We believed that God would not command us to do something without giving us the ability to do it. In the second week of our counseling, Martin suddenly came to us and said he was tired of suffering. He wanted to heal. He was willing to surrender and obey God’s will. We were overjoyed by his change of heart. We prayed with him to give all his sorrow, brokenness, and anger to God. But it was not easy. At first, Martin could not say the words of forgiveness and surrender to God’s will. His mouth was shut, locked by his pain. But we patiently kept praying with him, and at last, with a loud cry, he let go of everything and gave it to God.

***

Martin: I was torn between God’s will and my own. I felt so much pride and bitterness. I couldn’t stand the sight of Rina and that man in my mind. But I was exhausted from being haunted by those images. I wanted to heal, I wanted to be free! But it seemed impossible to surrender to God’s will, I was on the verge of giving up and holding on to my unforgiveness. I cried out to God: God, this hurts too much! I can’t do this alone! But please don’t leave me, God! Please hold me tight! That was the cry of my heart. 

Then, something wonderful happened. I sensed a power within me, and with a shout I let go of the weight of my agony and handed it over to God. It was a miracle! I felt a sudden relief, like I was immersed in cool water. All the dirty and hateful thoughts disappeared. I knew it was the Lord, who filled me with the peace that surpasses all understanding… (Philippians 4:7).

Rina: I couldn’t believe it when Martin came back and asked me to give us another chance. During those days of separation, I prayed with my friend and I felt a desire to save my marriage. But I had betrayed our vows. I didn’t think Martin would or could forgive me. So when he came, I doubted him. Was he serious? Could we overcome this dark time without looking back? 

But Martin looked at me with love and grace. He said he had forgiven me and he wanted to love me unconditionally, just like Jesus had forgiven and loved him unconditionally. He asked me to do the same. And then, we prayed together with our friends and we agreed to obey God’s word and ask Him to help us live by it. It was a miracle! When we truly surrender to God and trust Him, He will do the impossible. We experienced it ourselves. His miracle for us was a total change of heart: all the pain, anger, resentment now gone, replaced with a hope to start anew.

***

Martin and Rina are one of the few couples who managed to save their marriage after an affair. Some people might not believe their story is true. Many people think that a marriage cannot survive after such a betrayal. It is true that it is very hard for a spouse (especially a husband) to take back their partner after they have cheated on them. But hard does not mean impossible. God is the one who makes the difference. He can still do miracles for those who trust Him and surrender to Him completely. We have seen how He has done that miracle in our lives. He gave us the gift of total forgiveness and acceptance, which led to total healing. 

That is the miracle that Martin and Rina experienced. They both admitted their mistakes and repented. Martin did not blame his wife, but he blamed himself for neglecting his marriage. Rina did the same; she did not blame Martin’s coldness, but she realized that having an affair was her own fault. They understood that they were both sinners and needed God’s grace. This was very important. Why? Because then, they stopped judging each other and started changing themselves. 

Now, more than five years have passed, and their marriage is stronger than ever. Martin and Rina are now serving as leaders in one of the churches in their area, and they often share their testimony with other couples who are facing problems. They encourage them not to give up easily. Because in Jesus, there is always hope.

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious. (Matthew 12:20 NLT)

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