The indwelling Spirit and the character of Christ can make a profound difference in family life—by introducing divine love in the familial relationships, strengthening them and enriching them. This is achieved through the power of the Holy Spirit, a reality that is necessary often in counselling situations involving families. It is also enhanced and helped through certain spiritual disciplines and habits that one can build in one’s life.

For instance, family members must be seen in the light of God’s perspective. They are not our possessions to be used and enjoyed, but God’s gifts to us. In Tamil, the word for parents (petroar) is a wonderful word that simply means “those who receive”—they receive their children from God, a truth that is emphasised in the Bible. “Sons [and daughters] are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him”. This truth and the attitude it produces introduces the dimension of stewardship in our closest relationships.

We are entrusted by God with our loved ones. Our responsibility is founded on the principle of love—love for God who gave us our family members to look after, and love for our family members who are to be loved rather than be merely used for our purposes or ambitions.

With this attitude we will value our family members as persons and as who they are. It means that we will give them a listening ear, we will give them their space, and practise hospitality at home.

This is expounded further by Paul in his description of the husband-wife relationship (Ephesians 5:22-33). Husbands are to love their wives (and Christ is the example used, in the way He loves the church His bride) (v. 25). Wives, on their part, must submit and respect their husbands—as to the Lord, and because of their love for God and their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). Likewise, fathers are not to exasperate their children but rather, by implication, are to encourage their children, even as their children are expected to show their love for their parents by obeying them (Ephesians 6:1-4).

It is interesting and helpful to note that Paul describes such family relationships after his imperative “be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). A consequence of being filled with the Spirit is that we will bear the fruit of the Spirit and reflect the love of Christ in our relationships. This will show up in family life that builds, nurtures, empowers and blesses.

We can pray for family members regularly, bringing each into the light and grace of God as we pray for them. Such praying will help us to love them and reflect on their real needs and how we can meet them. We can find time for family members, building such priorities in our schedules and diaries. We must seek to be present in their lives when we are needed.

Like Jesus, we can express such love in the form of obedience—for instance, when He obeyed his parents at home even though he realised that they did not understand his pronouncements at the temple (Luke 2:50-51). Paul does say that we are to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5.911). Such mutual submission is not possible without having the fruit of the Spirit.

Consider this:
How does love look like in your family? What can you do to show divine love and submission to your family members?

Excerpted and adapted from Boundless Love by Robert Solomon. © 2014 by Robert Solomon. Used by permission of Armour Publishing. All rights reserved.