We live in a day of rampant child abuse. So we have been rightly sensitized to the dangers of hitting a child in anger or using any instrument, including the hand, which might cause serious physical injury. It’s just as important to realize that as a child grows older, he can be corrected by the use of previously stated consequences of his own choosing (see pp.14-15).

That is one side of the coin. The other side is that a wise and loving parent will not be afraid to bring his child to tears when necessary. The timeless wisdom of Scripture is clear:

• He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly (Prov. 13:24).
• Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction (Prov. 19:18).
• Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him (Prov. 22:15).
• The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother (Prov. 29:15).
• Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul (Prov. 29:17).
• Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Heb. 12:11).

These can be hard words for a mom or dad to hear. In the short run, it is much easier to indulge our children than to put up with the fury of their tears and complaints. In the short run, it is painful. But in the long run, lovingly appropriate and timely correction is necessary both for our child’s wellbeing and for our own peace of mind. Often, our children are much like the servant described in the book of Proverbs:

A servant will not be corrected by mere words; for though he understands, he will not respond (29:19).

Let’s pray that when we bring our children to tears it will be because of our love rather than our anger. There is no peace of mind promised to parents who bring a child to tears out of their own selfishness.

This means that parents should not give their children reason to say, “You are not being fair with me. You aren’t listening to me. You are demanding more than I can give. You are never satisfied. You overreact to what I have done wrong. You refuse to admit when you are wrong. I can’t reason with you. You keep changing your mind. You just use your authority as a parent. You are mean and unpredictable. I never know when you are going to blow up in anger. I’m afraid of you. You are supposed to protect me, but I need protection from you. I hate you for making me cry.”